I will preface this post by saying, if you don't go to church you may have a hard time understanding what I'm on about. I attend a pentecostal church. (Think Hillsong, only in miniature, and without all the lights and media and the good-looking people-) We are just a bunch of ordinary people who love God and find the most comfortable way of praise (for us) is through hand-waving and loud singing. This does not make us crazy, just different. I have written a little more about it here.
I love music.
I really, really do. Do you remember as a kid talking with your friends about whether you would rather be blind or deaf? (No? We were the only morbid ones?) I hope I never have to make that choice. Because to lose your sight would be horrible. To never see your baby smile? Awful. But for me, to never hear music again? I would hate it. Thank goodness no one ever really has to make that choice.... it's not a thing you really get to choose is it?
Music is just so much a part of me. It's one thing Shane and I really have in common. He plays about a dozen different instruments (yes, he's one of those annoying people!) with the bass being his first love and his primary instrument. I don't really play much, although I have a very rudimentary knowledge of piano, after 2 years of lessons. But I have a very musical ear. I can hear a wrong note easily, and can often hear a tune and then play it on the piano. And I sing. I love singing. My sisters and I all sing. We used to sing harmonies and rounds while doing the dishes and driving in the car. We've performed together a couple of times. Growing up it was so much fun. My Mum sings too, and even Dad isn't tone deaf. We have always been quite a musical family.
Our house is rarely completely quiet, there is almost always something playing in the background. Our poor children don't stand a chance with Shane. He is quite adamant that they will have at least some opportunity of playing a musical instrument. Shane often sits and plays his ukelele while watching Georgie in the bath. We just love music.
And I love worship. I get that there are people who aren't so musically minded who don't love love it the way I do. But I have always found so much power and solace in singing praise to God. You might have noticed this in some of the songs I link up to on this blog. I lead worship at our church some weeks, and Shane plays the drums whenever he's home. He doesn't love playing the drums and would much rather play the bass. But when our drummer moved towns, he took over, because honestly in a band if you're going to pick between losing bass or drums, you'll choose bass. It's just not quite as crucial. He's been doing a really great job at it too, even though he doesn't think so.
I've recently given up leading worship for a spell, as it is getting too hard to sing well, I'm getting breathless a little more with my tummy taking lung space. Plus, it is just quite hard trying to organise the logistics of me leading worship, when it means that both Shane and I have to go to music practice on Monday nights, then again before church on Sunday. So we rely on the good nature of family to help us out looking after Georgie. It's even harder for me on the weeks when Shane is away.
And right now, it's just the right thing to do for our family. Maybe when this little one gets older and I can leave them both easily. But it is much easier to leave one child to be babysat than two.... However for now I know that this is the best choice for my family. And they are my first and primary job from God. As hard as it can be sometimes, I know it's no good me standing on stage on Sunday looking like I've got it right, if my family is suffering.
But I do love it. It's not really the being up front thing. I don't mind being up the front as long as I only have to sing and not talk. But I just enjoy the fact that when I lead, there are no distractions. I'm not thinking about Georgie or the person next to me. My role is to worship. When I lead music, I am not Robyn the Mummy or wife. It's just me and God. I also love picking the songs, and directing where the music should go. It means I have to work to try to be in tune with God, or else I can mess up the way the things go. It's a big responsibility. But there's something so amazing that happens when we (the team) get it right. I just love music. I am going to miss it, but am sure I am making the right choice.
Really the fact that I'm not leading worship for a time won't make much of a difference. I might miss it, but music is still just a part of my make up, a part of who I am.
What about you? Do you love music? And if you had to choose between losing sight or hearing, which would you choose? Could you choose?
I still don't know.