Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Hi. So it's been a while. I've been tired lately. I've just been really, really tired for what feels like forever. And finding the time, and the things to say, knowing what to say and what to leave unsaid is tricky at the moment.
I'm not in the throes of depression. But lately, for the past few months really, I have just felt like I am slogging away, walking in really thick, goopy mud, you know? And it's not necessarily the goopiness of the mud that gets me. It's more the fact that it feels never ending. And even though I know, (I know!) that everyone is walking through their own version of goopy mud, sometimes it feels a little like I'm here slogging uphill and somehow sliding further back, and yet other people manage to race all the way to the top in no time.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy.
I love my family. I really, really do. They make my life immeasurably better. But sometimes (lots of times) my dealings with these people who I love so dearly, make me painfully aware of my own shortcomings.
I want to write about Georgie who is four going on fourteen, and the loveliness and hideousness that that entails. I want to write about my boy, who some days makes me want to squish him because I just love him so much, and other days makes me want to squish him because he just drives me so damn crazy. I want to write all the stuff that is sitting in my head making me crazy, but I just don't even know where to start. And I can hardly even write a sentence here without yawning my head off. I swear I feel like I'm more tired now than I was with my newborns.
I need God properly. My relationship with Him is there. But it feels like I'm using really dodgy internet service or something, you know? Not sure what's to be done about that.
But anyway, tomorrow is a new day. And if I'm going to face it with any sort of equanimity, I need to go to bed. Goodnight Internets.