Being Brave

It's been a little western front-esque here lately. I've been using the precious daytime sleep to play around with music a bit more. One of my absolute favorite bloggers, Lauren from Ninja Tales, has been raving recently about a band Bastille and their album Bad Blood. A couple of days ago I finally listened to them, and I really liked their music. I especially loved one of their songs, Pompeii, and I even found a chord chart for it that I could play! (If you knew how rudimentary my musical skills are, you'd understand just how easy that song must be!). But anyway, I ended up being able to play and sing it which was a bit exciting, (to me anyway).

I have never been super comfortable with video footage of myself. I toyed briefly with the idea of doing a music vlog after someone (I think it might have been Essentially Jess, who is a vlogging queen) mentioned it. But I wasn't brave enough.

However, now I have decided to be brave (or stupid) and have recorded myself singing the Bastille song Pompeii. And I thought I'd post it, to say... Hello! Because music is a pretty big part of my life, and I loves it. I don't really read music, I just love to sing and am blessed with a good ear, and thanks to year or so of piano lessons I can tinker a bit on the keyboard. I recorded it on my phone quickly before the kids woke up, so it's pretty bad quality, and a bit dodgy. But regardless of how good it is, I just really wanted to share it with you.


Linking up with the vlogging inspiration queen Essentially Jess today.

Searching for the joy

I haven't written much in a while. Partly because I've been playing around with my music a lot more. But also, probably because I haven't felt... interesting enough to share.

I'm guessing it's probably not uncommon.

Sometimes it's easy to start believing the lies. You are not important enough, not good looking enough, not interesting enough. You end up second guessing yourself, and hiding, and retreating more and more, because you're convinced you've got nothing worthwhile to share. Everything comes out wrong, and you're not really sure what to do about it. You wonder, what exactly am I playing at here? You go through the motions, but maybe the joy just gets a little harder to find.


So I'm still here. I'm just not exactly sure what I'm doing at the moment. I have words, but I can't quite figure out how to say them, or what exactly I am trying to say. Sorry about that. I'm planning to write some words down eventually. But right now I am going to try to concentrate on the little, insignificant, but oh-so-important, pieces of joy.

Born to live by the sea

I've just spent a week at the beach. It was (mostly) good. The first few days were pretty awful. Charlie got croup, I got sick, my car battery died, and I had some of the worst nights I have ever had putting my kids to bed. There was a lot of 'should we just have stayed at home?'

But eventually things settled down and we just... stopped.

And it was so nice.

Nice to have a holiday with my Mum and spend some time with her, nice to spend a little time with my sister Liz, who came up with us for a few days. It was nice to not have to do any washing for a whole week (!),  nice to do a few special things that we don't get to do often, nice to spend time with my babies and watch them enjoy themselves. It was nice to catch up with my other sister and her family for a quick stopover on the way home, it was nice to get all our winter shopping sorted.

And oh, it was nice to be at the beach!

I love the beach. Love it.

 

I was made to live by the sea. Every chance I got, I was down by the water. Maybe it's because, when I was a kid, we could only afford to visit the beach for two weeks every year, so we learned to cherish it. But whatever the reason, I just adore it, and my kids seem to as well.

There's something about the seaside that just resonates with me. I don't think I could ever tire of it. One day I will live by the sea. I will.

It was lovely to get away, but it's also been very very nice to be home, and it will be even nicer in a few hours when Shane gets home! It's our local show this weekend, so we plan to enjoy some fireworks, and maybe a few rides, and have a lovely weekend. I hope you do too.

In praise of a Daddy...

Charlie is in love with Shane at the moment. He's like his own personal hero. On the weekend Shane was fixing our kitchen sink, and Charlie just had to be in on it too. He was climbing Shane, and climbing into the cupboard, handing him tools, and just generally getting in the way. It was so cute. Later that day Shane went out to mow the lawn, and Charlie moved between the front window and the back door, just watching his Daddy and calling out to him.

Georgie has been on a couple of special outings with her Daddy, and she just loves it. They went for a special trip out to Granny's and Poppy's property to see the 'Baby Moo's' (cows), which was pretty much the best thing ever. On Saturday she accompanied him to the hardware store and flirted with everyone there.

They love their Dad so much.

In a couple of days, Shane is leaving to go to the Philippines for a missions trip. We are all going to miss him very much, and he is going to miss his cheeky monkeys a lot. But we are praying that this is going to be a good thing, for him, for the group of guys he is going with, and for the people he meets. He's leaving on Saturday and will get back in two weeks time, and if you're so inclined, we sure would appreciate your prayers.

I am that mother.

I am the mother who was chasing her unruly child around the shopping centre.

I am the mother who gave you the stink-eye, when you made a disparaging comment about my child.

I am the mother you gave the stink-eye to, as you watched me have a really bad day.

I am the mother who was dressed beautifully, who got dressed that way because I was having a bad day/good day, and I made you feel inferior in your tracksuit pants.

I am the mother who was having a bad day/a busy day/the worst day ever, and you made me feel inferior in my tracksuit pants.

I am the mother who feeds my kids McDonalds.

I am the mother who feeds my kids quinoa and steamed green beans and asparagus.

I am the mother who is just keeping it together.

I am the mother who totally lost her cool in the middle of the shopping centre.

I am the mother that smacked my child in anger.

I am the mother you smile at, as I shop with my children, while my toddler helps me count out apples to put into the bag, and my baby grins at you and you grin back.

I am the mother you stopped and said "You are doing a great job" to.

I am the mother you whispered about in a horrified tone.

I am the glowing, picture of fertility and joy.

I am the mother who looks hot and uncomfortable, complaining about being a billion weeks pregnant.

I am the mother you smiled sympathetically at, who looked grey with exhaustion.

I am the rude mother.

I am the mother with such lovely manners.

I am the mother who was on my phone ignoring my kids.

I am the mother playing with her kids at the park.

I am the mother of that kid who was screaming uncontrollably.

I am the mother you want to be.

I am the mother you never want to be.

I am not the mother I wish I was.

I am the mother who is doing a better than she thinks.



I am the mother that is doing the best she can.

I am that mother.


 Linking up with Grace to flog my blog!

Rules of Charlie

1. Never, ever shut a door, when you are on one side and he is on the other. Charlie must not miss out on anything. It is akin to chopping off his arm.

2. Any food he has, is his. Any food you have, is his. Any food his sister has, is his. Basically all food belongs to Charlie. Except zucchini's, which are of the devil.

3. At all times, keep your hair away from his reach, unless you wish to have it torn from your head.

4. If you put something he had, but shouldn't have, up just out of reach, you have just made it his most prized possession and he will perform death-defying feats to get it back. Either that or wail inconsolably near it.

5. Use lots of affirmation. Charlie is a people pleaser.

6. Following on from number 5, when disciplining him, make sure you try to follow it up with something positive, otherwise he may dissolve. (No guarantees though, he might dissolve just because he got into trouble anyway)

7. He has teeth, and knows how to use them. You have been warned.

8. When in doubt, offer a banana. (also works on monkeys).

9. A broom or a mop is his most favorite toy ever. But make sure to stay clear when he is playing with one, as a broom to the face, re-he-heally hurts!

10. If it runs on a motor, it is awesome.

11. Daddy is the best person in the world. Mummy is the best person for hugs. Georgie is the best person to annoy.

12. Puppies are so cool!

13. When he is tired, he throws things everything.

14. When he is tired, he must go to bed immediately, otherwise he is unbearable. If his cot is unavailable, prepare for battle.

15. Juice = Most amazing substance in the world. There is never enough juice.

16. This boy was built for affection. Cuddles, tickles, squeezes, kisses... you just can't go wrong with them.

17. If he hurts himself, and you are near him, it's your fault. If he hurts himself and you're not near him, it's your fault.

18. If it's within his reach, it's fair game.

19. If you are paying attention to anything other than him, that is not okay, and he will let you know (loudly).

20. He may be an adventurous, whinging little emperor. But when he's not destroying something or wailing, he's pretty great.

Just be

Today has been an uphill battle, all the way. There have been many tantrums, fights, tears, and much unhappiness. There is a visit to the doctor in the very near future, because dear God, she has to be sick, she just has to be.

I am having an anyone else would be a better parent that me day. And I just don't want to.... anything.

But today, even though I would really love to write, or lie on bed with a book, or even clean my house..... I am being Mummy. It is hard, it is frustrating, it is damn near impossible. But I am doing it.