Wednesday, April 24, 2013

In praise of a Daddy...

Charlie is in love with Shane at the moment. He's like his own personal hero. On the weekend Shane was fixing our kitchen sink, and Charlie just had to be in on it too. He was climbing Shane, and climbing into the cupboard, handing him tools, and just generally getting in the way. It was so cute. Later that day Shane went out to mow the lawn, and Charlie moved between the front window and the back door, just watching his Daddy and calling out to him.

Georgie has been on a couple of special outings with her Daddy, and she just loves it. They went for a special trip out to Granny's and Poppy's property to see the 'Baby Moo's' (cows), which was pretty much the best thing ever. On Saturday she accompanied him to the hardware store and flirted with everyone there.

They love their Dad so much.

In a couple of days, Shane is leaving to go to the Philippines for a missions trip. We are all going to miss him very much, and he is going to miss his cheeky monkeys a lot. But we are praying that this is going to be a good thing, for him, for the group of guys he is going with, and for the people he meets. He's leaving on Saturday and will get back in two weeks time, and if you're so inclined, we sure would appreciate your prayers.

Friday, April 19, 2013

I am that mother.

I am the mother who was chasing her unruly child around the shopping centre.

I am the mother who gave you the stink-eye, when you made a disparaging comment about my child.

I am the mother you gave the stink-eye to, as you watched me have a really bad day.

I am the mother who was dressed beautifully, who got dressed that way because I was having a bad day/good day, and I made you feel inferior in your tracksuit pants.

I am the mother who was having a bad day/a busy day/the worst day ever, and you made me feel inferior in my tracksuit pants.

I am the mother who feeds my kids McDonalds.

I am the mother who feeds my kids quinoa and steamed green beans and asparagus.

I am the mother who is just keeping it together.

I am the mother who totally lost her cool in the middle of the shopping centre.

I am the mother that smacked my child in anger.

I am the mother you smile at, as I shop with my children, while my toddler helps me count out apples to put into the bag, and my baby grins at you and you grin back.

I am the mother you stopped and said "You are doing a great job" to.

I am the mother you whispered about in a horrified tone.

I am the glowing, picture of fertility and joy.

I am the mother who looks hot and uncomfortable, complaining about being a billion weeks pregnant.

I am the mother you smiled sympathetically at, who looked grey with exhaustion.

I am the rude mother.

I am the mother with such lovely manners.

I am the mother who was on my phone ignoring my kids.

I am the mother playing with her kids at the park.

I am the mother of that kid who was screaming uncontrollably.

I am the mother you want to be.

I am the mother you never want to be.

I am not the mother I wish I was.

I am the mother who is doing a better than she thinks.

I am the mother that is doing the best she can.

I am that mother.

 Linking up with Grace to flog my blog!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Rules of Charlie

1. Never, ever shut a door, when you are on one side and he is on the other. Charlie must not miss out on anything. It is akin to chopping off his arm.

2. Any food he has, is his. Any food you have, is his. Any food his sister has, is his. Basically all food belongs to Charlie. Except zucchini's, which are of the devil.

3. At all times, keep your hair away from his reach, unless you wish to have it torn from your head.

4. If you put something he had, but shouldn't have, up just out of reach, you have just made it his most prized possession and he will perform death-defying feats to get it back. Either that or wail inconsolably near it.

5. Use lots of affirmation. Charlie is a people pleaser.

6. Following on from number 5, when disciplining him, make sure you try to follow it up with something positive, otherwise he may dissolve. (No guarantees though, he might dissolve just because he got into trouble anyway)

7. He has teeth, and knows how to use them. You have been warned.

8. When in doubt, offer a banana. (also works on monkeys).

9. A broom or a mop is his most favorite toy ever. But make sure to stay clear when he is playing with one, as a broom to the face, re-he-heally hurts!

10. If it runs on a motor, it is awesome.

11. Daddy is the best person in the world. Mummy is the best person for hugs. Georgie is the best person to annoy.

12. Puppies are so cool!

13. When he is tired, he throws things everything.

14. When he is tired, he must go to bed immediately, otherwise he is unbearable. If his cot is unavailable, prepare for battle.

15. Juice = Most amazing substance in the world. There is never enough juice.

16. This boy was built for affection. Cuddles, tickles, squeezes, kisses... you just can't go wrong with them.

17. If he hurts himself, and you are near him, it's your fault. If he hurts himself and you're not near him, it's your fault.

18. If it's within his reach, it's fair game.

19. If you are paying attention to anything other than him, that is not okay, and he will let you know (loudly).

20. He may be an adventurous, whinging little emperor. But when he's not destroying something or wailing, he's pretty great.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Just be

Today has been an uphill battle, all the way. There have been many tantrums, fights, tears, and much unhappiness. There is a visit to the doctor in the very near future, because dear God, she has to be sick, she just has to be.

I am having an anyone else would be a better parent that me day. And I just don't want to.... anything.

But today, even though I would really love to write, or lie on bed with a book, or even clean my house..... I am being Mummy. It is hard, it is frustrating, it is damn near impossible. But I am doing it.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

These times, they be changing

If you're one of the lovely people who've been with me from the beginning, you might have noticed how the landscape around here has... shifted a little. I guess things were never going to stay the same. I started this blog as a new Mama with a 6 week old, and my husband was a truck driver. Since then, we've had another baby, we've all grown up, we've battled some demons, had a job change which has resulted in a lot of good things, but it's also required many sacrifices. The biggest change round these parts though, is probably my faith. Seems I can barely write a post now without mentioning it.

I never really intended to be that kind of person. I thought they were okay, don't get me wrong... but not like me. They took things to the extremes. I preferred to be a bit more moderate (more normal).

It was easier when I worked. Life was nice and compartmentalized. Now however, I need to rely on God daily, and He has permeated into nearly every aspect of my life. Things have all grown together, intertwined and bled into this wonderful, glorious, hang-on-by-your-fingernails, mess.

I like the mess. I like the change. I understand that passion now. It doesn't necessarily come from a place of superiority, or righteousness. Sometimes it comes from Need. Desire. Desperation.

But I'm not perfect. Oh no. Not even anywhere near it.

I often berate myself in my head in social situations. I have no flipping idea how to talk to people. Not a clue. I am never comfortable. I either retreat to a place of quiet and safety, or else talk far too much... either way I feel like I never appear the way I want.

I prefer to write. It is nice to have time. Time to stop and think before the words come out. To change them so that you can make them say things in a better way, make them say better things. I even prefer standing on stage at church. Most of the time, when I'm there, I don't really have to say much anyway. I just have to sing, and worship, that comes easy.

But put me into a conversation with people? Torture. I think I could count the number of people I am actually comfortable enough to speak with, without carefully measuring each word that comes out of my mouth, on one hand. There is still a lot of work to be done.

I must admit, sometimes I worry a lot about preaching here. I don't feel qualified to give anyone a sermon. And I know that a lot of the time, sermonizing doesn't do any good. But these are just the words that seem to have to be said. Mostly, I feel okay with the way things are, though. I understand that I am not catering to the same audience I once was. I'm not exactly sure what audience I am catering to. But these words, they are good to say.

I'm not really sure which direction this little blog is headed. But it sure is interesting to read what comes out. I've nearly reached 50,000 page-views, which I must admit kinda thrills me a little. It may not sound like much to some, and I'm sure a good portion of them are spam, but still, the fact that 50, 000 times, somebody has bothered to even peek at what is going on over here, is just nice.

So Thank You for reading. I'm sorry if it's not always what you expect, or like. But I like it here. And the changing hasn't stopped yet.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Grace (and poop)

So, this morning started off wonderfully when the kids didn't wake me up until 8:30am! I woke up, and got a bit scared because they hadn't woken me, and I knew Shane had left for work hours ago. So I rushed into their room, to see them happily chattering to each other, having a grand old time in their beds. It was a good start to the day.

Unfortunately, it all went downhill from there.

We had breakfast, and as I wandered past the lounge room I noticed a wet puddle on the floor in the corner (I am so glad we have wooden floors in there). I immediately called Chloe and stuck her outside, but I wasn't really that surprised, considering how late we slept.

Later, as the kids finished breakfast I disinfected the puddle and then flicked the T.V on and the kids went into the lounge room to watch Peppa Pig. I came in soon after to get them dressed and spotted a little poop on the floor. I shrieked at the kids to stay away from it and then rushed to clean it up, trying to identify if it was human poop or dog poop. (This story has a lot of poop by the way, in case the title wasn't enough to clue you in). I decided it must've been a little dog poop I had somehow missed.

After I cleaned it, I could still smell that lovely poopy aroma, but I couldn't find anything, so I opened the windows and then went to get the kids dressed, thinking one of them might have a dirty nappy. I jumped into the shower, and then when I came out I noticed what looked like a whole lot of mud near the toy basket, that Charlie was rolling his truck in.

I got closer and almost vomitted. Yep, more dog poop. At that point I kind of went into panic mode, I furiously cleaned it up, bathed the kids, soaked toys, cleaned up more poop (Charlie decided to drop one in the bath... awesome) and as I was cleaning I was getting angrier and angrier.

My inner monologue was basically going "It's not fair, I am the only one who ever deals with any messes in this house! Poor Me!" I was really ticked off, and was swearing my head off. It was really ugly and I'm not proud. I kicked the kids outside on the deck while I scrubbed at my floor, and I just basically had a big angry sorry for myself session. Blaming Shane, because you know, he was at work instead of helping me clean. Blaming the damn dog (I so wanted to kick her, but don't worry, I didn't). Afterwards I looked around my house and I just hated it all, it all just felt too hard, too much, I didn't want to wash clothes or do the dishes. Sometimes I don't mind being the designated housework fairy, and other times it angers me beyond belief, constantly cleaning up after everyone else. This time, I was angry beyond belief.  My house still smelled like poo and it was filthy.... I was just so frustrated.

I went outside with the kids, and just sat on the steps and watched them play and I cried. Big heaving sobs. Just over it. I didn't know what to do or where to start and I didn't want to be the one to have to do everything or anything, you know? I was just raging inside, until I had nothing left "It's not fair!!"

And then, that still small voice.

No. It isn't.

And my mind was flooded with the image of Jesus on the cross. Cleaning up the mess of this world. So much mess, so much pain and sorrow and wickedness that he had to deal with. It wasn't his fault, he didn't deserve it, he shouldn't have had to do it. But we couldn't do it for ourselves. And he did it because he loved us. Loves us.

I cried and I cried, so sorry for all the pain and the hurt we cause him. So much evil that is so awful I can't even begin to comprehend it.

If He can love the world so much, love people who don't even acknowledge Him, and do it with such grace "Father forgive them the know not what they do"..... surely I can clean up a bit of poop.

And so eventually I stopped crying, picked myself up off the ground, and I started cleaning up again.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

33 and 15

Lately, this little ole' blog has been a bit of a me me me show. So I thought I'd catch up on where the kids are at the moment.

My Georgie, she is getting so big! She is 33 months old now, nearly 3 years! She loves 'dressing up' and when we go out anywhere, she has to have her sunglasses and her 'pretty necklace.' She is such a girl, and I love it.


She is such a helper too, and she is just so funny. Little things she does, like for instance, when I tell her that when playschool is finished she needs to turn the T.V off... she will go and turn the television off when her program finishes, and the come to me crying her eyes out "More T.V Mummy?" and yet she still does what she is told! It is so sweet, and I smile a secret smile nearly every time she does it.


Sometimes she and her brother fight so much! They just scratch and pinch, and pull hair, and bite, and wrestle, until I am about ready to scream! I don't know how many times I have uttered the phrase "Stop fighting!" And I'm sure I will say it a few hundred thousand more times yet. Mostly though, they are pretty good friends. I love watching them be siblings, it makes my heart happy.

I have put the two of them into the same room to sleep, and it has gone really well. It surprised me, because I wasn't necessarily anticipating it to be good, especially because Georgie doesn't always sleep very well. But I think that because Charlie is such a deep sleeper it has been okay. Georgie actually seems to be sleeping better now that she has company in her room!

Oh, my boy. I love this kid to bits! He is at such a delightful age. 15 months is full on.  Discovering and learning and growing all the time. He is getting so big! He is strong and fearless and he only stops to eat and sleep. I often think an adequate description of Charlie is 'adventure on legs.' He is starting to talk so much, and loves his 'Dad-dad-dad, Mum-mum-mum,' and 'pup-pup-puppy!' he is amazingly eloquent, despite his lack of words. He can express himself beautifully, and he hides nothing. With Charlie, you know exactly how he is feeling. I hope I can always read him so well.

 I am really glad I get to be Mum.

Friday, April 5, 2013

I am enough

Just recently, I was added to a Facebook group, advertising the fact that next year, it will be my 10 year high school reunion.

(Insert uncomfortable feelings here)

So I of course, immediately started looking at myself pretty critically. What will people think of me now? I haven't done anything. I haven't changed enough. I am not interesting at all. Do I have to go? Maybe it would be better just to skip it?

I've never been really great at keeping in touch with people. And, while I have some great memories of my school years, and I had some great friends.... they aren't really the type of close friendships that endured. I keep up with a few of my school friends, mostly on Facebook. But really, the only relationship I have from school that lasted is my one with Shane. Especially towards the end of school, I just seemed to stop feeling like I fit very well with my friends. I'm not sure if it was because of me, or because of them... but either way the relationships haven't lasted.

So is there any point in going? I certainly don't feel attractive or important enough to go. I just got married, got fatter and had babies. I didn't leave town, (heck I bought a house across from the school!) I didn't even finish university, and I have no career or achievements to speak of.  I'm like the poster child for everything we didn't want to be when we left high school. Really, what's the point of telling people that?

The more I thought about it, the more I started to feel a bit down on myself. But then Georgie woke up from her daytime nap very upset and I had to go in to her. As I lay down with her, breathing in the scent of a sleepy toddler, and I watched her cling to me and receive comfort from my embrace... I realised... I am happy, and it doesn't matter.

I am enough for her.

I am enough for my babies. Sure I scream and yell, and mess up and cry and tantrum and don't do everything I should. But the fact remains, I am everything they need.

I am enough for my husband. He loves me. Despite my crazy and my stupid and my angry and my hormones. He loves me, and he wants me. I am enough for him.

And most importantly, I am enough for my God. He loves me. He adores me. My heavenly father delights in me, the same way I delight in my babies. He doesn't care what I have or have not achieved. He doesn't care if I never do anything spectacular in the world's eyes. To him, I am spectacular every day, because I am his. He is enough for me, and so I am enough for anyone.

And one (uncomfortable/awkward/silly/fun) school reunion will never change any of that.

Flogging with Grace today!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Happy (Belated) Easter

We had a pretty quiet Easter. It was nice to just be at home. Shane and I have both been a little frazzled in these past few weeks. I had a particularly rough patch a couple of weeks ago, and have relied heavily on my Mum, who is amazing. So four days off to potter and eat chocolate and play and chase babies and be... was like a breath of fresh air. I remembered that I actually really do like my husband (which is always a good thing!) and we got to enjoy being Mummy and Daddy.

This year, I found myself focusing less on the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross, and more on the joy and wonder of his resurrection, and that hasn't been a bad thing. It can be easy to only see the painful  part of what Jesus did. Now don't get me wrong, his death on a cross was so important, but what is equally important, is the fact that he rose again and he defeated death, forever. And this Easter, the wonder and power and joy of it all has just blown me away. I am so grateful.

If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I'll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith,
I will believe

I remind myself of all that You've done
And the life I have because of Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours, God, I'm forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low I sing out, remind my soul
That I am Yours, God, I'm forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
And every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me
Staying desperate for You God
Staying humbled at Your feet
 I will lift these hands and praise, I will believe

I am Yours, Yes, I am Yours
All my days, Jesus, I am Yours
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