Just recently, I was added to a Facebook group, advertising the fact that next year, it will be my 10 year high school reunion.
(Insert uncomfortable feelings here)
So I of course, immediately started looking at myself pretty critically. What will people think of me now? I haven't done anything. I haven't changed enough. I am not interesting at all. Do I have to go? Maybe it would be better just to skip it?
I've never been really great at keeping in touch with people. And, while I have some great memories of my school years, and I had some great friends.... they aren't really the type of close friendships that endured. I keep up with a few of my school friends, mostly on Facebook. But really, the only relationship I have from school that lasted is my one with Shane. Especially towards the end of school, I just seemed to stop feeling like I fit very well with my friends. I'm not sure if it was because of me, or because of them... but either way the relationships haven't lasted.
So is there any point in going? I certainly don't feel attractive or important enough to go. I just got married, got fatter and had babies. I didn't leave town, (heck I bought a house across from the school!) I didn't even finish university, and I have no career or achievements to speak of. I'm like the poster child for everything we didn't want to be when we left high school. Really, what's the point of telling people that?
The more I thought about it, the more I started to feel a bit down on myself. But then Georgie woke up from her daytime nap very upset and I had to go in to her. As I lay down with her, breathing in the scent of a sleepy toddler, and I watched her cling to me and receive comfort from my embrace... I realised... I am happy, and it doesn't matter.
I am enough for her.
I am enough for my babies. Sure I scream and yell, and mess up and cry and tantrum and don't do everything I should. But the fact remains, I am everything they need.
I am enough for my husband. He loves me. Despite my crazy and my stupid and my angry and my hormones. He loves me, and he wants me. I am enough for him.
And most importantly, I am enough for my God. He loves me. He adores me. My heavenly father delights in me, the same way I delight in my babies. He doesn't care what I have or have not achieved. He doesn't care if I never do anything spectacular in the world's eyes. To him, I am spectacular every day, because I am his. He is enough for me, and so I am enough for anyone.
And one (uncomfortable/awkward/silly/fun) school reunion will never change any of that.
Flogging with Grace today!