Friday, October 29, 2010

Great Grandma is very sick and I don't think she'll be here for much longer.

She has had cancer for a very long time, and God has kept her well and healthy for a very long time. But I think it is almost her time to go. We went to see her in hospital, and Georgie, she loves you very much. She is very glad that she got to see you. God is being so good to us, because even though she has just refused all medication- she is in no pain. Now she just sleeps a lot. I think she will go to be with Jesus very soon.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's hard.... and the story of Us

I've been extremely flat lately. Georgie, you had your 4 month needles yesterday and have been a bit grumpy. Plus I think I've been coming down to earth from all the stress of everyone being sick. And great grandma still isn't doing too well.

I think it's just very difficult making the switch from being a full time worker to a full time mummy. I worked in childcare before you were born and I loved it. I loved the busyness and the children- and part of me would love to go back.... but the other stronger part never ever would, because I couldn't stand the thought of working with other children while somebody else had you. Plus, I know that nobody could ever care about you as much or as well as I could. And I know that even on days when I don't like you, and you cry and make me want to run away. I still love you. And somebody who is paid to care for you doesn't... and that makes the world of difference. Plus I know that you are growing, and eventually we will play together, and hopefully one day you will have brothers or sisters, and then I will be so busy I won't know what to do!

But right now, it's still hard.

I went to playgroup today and you know what? I think having a baby has made me stupider... I have forgotten how to talk to people! I almost feel like the world has left me behind. I just feel so removed from my life. I feel like a completely different person and I'm still trying to figure out who that person is. Plus it doesn't help that the pregnancy weight is not coming off very easily (or at all) and all I want to do is go for a swim or go to the gym and do an exercise class- but that's just not possible. Shane has been too busy at work to let me go out, and I don't really want to be continuously bothering Grandma or your aunties- it's just tough.

Now Georgie, this isn't about you- I would not give you up for anything, and I love you and enjoy you so much! But being a mum can be very difficult, you'll probably feel exactly the same one day.

So anyway, I thought instead of continuing to feel ordinary and icky. I might try something to help pick things up a bit. So, I'm going to tell you the story of how your Dad and I first met.

We went to the same school and he was in the grade above mine. I can honestly say I never even knew who Shane was before our friendship groups started hanging out. Your Dad kept under the radar a fair bit during middle school. But then, when I was in Grade 11, and he was in Grade 12, our groups started hanging out. And my best friend started going out with one of his friends. So we were all together during lunch breaks, and then we began inviting each other to parties. I started noticing Shane, and he started noticing me, and eventually we spent a fair bit of time together.

I remember it was one of my friends parties, and we were both out on the deck in some hammocks, and Shane told me "I think I'm in love with you." And he cried! He used to be very sweet and sensitive, and even though he's changed a lot and toughened up and seems different now- he's still like that underneath. You know what's terrible? I don't even remember what I said back to him that night! But anyway, we started dating, and got a bit too close- but fortunately God had his hand on both of us and He reached Shane and so he became a Christian and he started coming to church with me.

We continued dating when Shane went away to Uni, decided not to go, came back, I did Grade 12, Shane studied IT and then we moved away. Then we got engaged even though I was only 17 and your Dad was only 18. Then I lived on-campus at University and studied teaching, and your Dad went to Bible College. That summer, we came back home and got married. I was 18 and Shane was 19 by then.

Georgie, I would not have chosen to get married at 18. Sometimes I think it it would have been nice to have been single for a while and maybe traveled- just done things differently. But you don't pick the timing when you meet the person you love. And I think that maybe it was God's protection over us. Getting married young was hard, but it was also wonderful. Your Dad is the only man I have ever kissed, slept with, or loved.

Anyway, since then, we have lived away for a year, I decided that I didn't want to teach and started working in childcare instead. We moved back home to family, Shane started working for his parents driving trucks, we bought a house, got a dog, traveled, and then, four years after we got married, you were born!

Georgie, I do not regret any of it. Things have been difficult at times, but they have also been wonderful. And right now, my life may not be that exciting or glamorous... but it is a good life.

Friday, October 22, 2010


You are nothing like I imagined my baby would be.

You are so much better.

Yesterday we were playing on the bed- and you just would not stop smiling! You have the most wonderful smile- it makes everything nice! On Thursday you were 4 months old, and you are getting so big!

Everything has settled down with Daddy and Poppy. Dad is fine- the biopsy results came back good, and Poppy ended up having a heart bypass because he had a huge blockage in his artery... but he is fine! We went down in the city while he had his operation. George- for future reference, Never stay in a studio apartment with a baby! We were very cramped and stressed by the time we got home! But Poppy did incredibly well and flew home 5 days after his operation! He was very happy to see you when he got home.

So we are just getting back into routine- you are sleeping all night again and Mummy couldn't be happier. You are also staring to move lots! On Monday I discovered that you can roll from you back to your tummy now! You may have done it before now, but this is the first time I noticed! And you have also been figuring out how to lift up the top of your body and the bottom of your body- just get them working together and you'll be crawling- such a clever girl!

Love you,

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Last week when we were away we took some beautiful pictures of you- I just wanted to put one up cause you are so adorable sometimes I just want to hug you so tight I almost squeeze you! Funny side note: Once when you were about 10 weeks old I think, you're dad picked you up and gave you a big hug and said "I just want to hug you until you pop into a rainbow!" and you burst into tears!- very cute!

I also made a caramel nut tart and a berry and marscapone tart last week for a church fundraiser and I was so proud of the results I just had to show off!
Dear Georgie,

Lately things have been a bit hard. Daddy had a bone marrow biopsy because he's had a few funny things going on so we are waiting on the results for that. And it makes me a bit frightened.

Great Grandma Shirley (who we named you after) has been very sick for a while with Cancer she has been getting worse and Grandma has been living with her for a while. Pretty much since you were born. And now poor Grandma is getting too worn out looking after her, so Grandma and Poppy went on a holiday to have a break. While they were on holiday Poppy started getting breathless so he decided to go to the hospital and now he is in hospital tonight because they don't think his heart is too good. And poor old Grandma is all alone away- it's just so difficult!

But you, oh sweetheart, you are just like a rainbow that God put in our lives. You make everything so much better when you smile. You are such a cuddly little thing and you really do help. So Thank you Georgina. You don't know it, but you are really helping me and Dad. You're helping us to love each other and appreciate life and see the good, instead of just getting stressed and anxious.

Today you are 14 weeks old, and you are lovely. I love you so much.

Love Mummy

P.S- Georgie, no matter what happens with Daddy, or Poppy or Great Grandma. You should know that we still love God, and you should too. No matter what happens in life, he is God. It's that simple. He doesn't make the bad things happen to hurt us, but he has to allow the bad things to happen because he can't protect us from everything, otherwise we wouldn't really be living. And I promise you, you can see Daddy, Poppy and Great Grandma in heaven. :)
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