Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Going Through the Motions
Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? It's probably not really what Paul was thinking about when he wrote Philippians 4:8..... but I used to enjoy it. The musical episode was one of my favourites, and this song seems to just be summing up things pretty well lately.
Sometimes life just feels very... tasteless. It's nothing I can put my finger on, and it's not even that bad or noticeable. But things are just very same old right now. Housework seems to be in an endless, unrewarding cycle, and I am starting to get a little bit uncomfortable with this pregnancy, although I'm still only 28 weeks along. But this baby just seems to be sitting much higher than Georgie did and appears to have a penchant for shoving little feet in my ribs!
I'm starting to get slightly freaked out at how soon I may actually have a new baby in relation to how prepared I am (the ratio is a little too unbalanced I think). But I'm still finding it hard to muster up the energy required to organise cupboards and start finding little clothes and baby things.
I kind of feel guilty, because I just don't have that same level of euphoria that I had when I was pregnant with Georgie. I'm happy to be having another baby, don't get me wrong.... but the joy is tempered with a lot more dread this time as I know exactly what I'm getting into. I'm also worried about how Georgie will cope with it all, but I know that it will only be a short-term thing until she gets used to it. Plus, I'm just busier this time around. It's nothing in particular, I'm just very tired. It's hard though.
I feel so bad for this baby, because I just feel like it's not getting/going to get the same amount of attention that Georgie did. I feel guilty for not being more excited, I feel guilty for what this may do to Georgie.... basically I just feel guilty all of the time! But this baby will probably be better for a little healthy neglect... that's what I tell myself anyway!
We're off on holidays in a couple of weeks, which will be lovely- and exactly what we need I think! Hopefully when I get back I can start to really get things done.
What about you? Did you feel less pregnancy-induced excitement the second time round? And were/are you also a Buffy fan?
Linking up with Jess for I blog on Tuesdays... check it out!