Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Going Through the Motions
Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? It's probably not really what Paul was thinking about when he wrote Philippians 4:8..... but I used to enjoy it. The musical episode was one of my favourites, and this song seems to just be summing up things pretty well lately.
Sometimes life just feels very... tasteless. It's nothing I can put my finger on, and it's not even that bad or noticeable. But things are just very same old right now. Housework seems to be in an endless, unrewarding cycle, and I am starting to get a little bit uncomfortable with this pregnancy, although I'm still only 28 weeks along. But this baby just seems to be sitting much higher than Georgie did and appears to have a penchant for shoving little feet in my ribs!
I'm starting to get slightly freaked out at how soon I may actually have a new baby in relation to how prepared I am (the ratio is a little too unbalanced I think). But I'm still finding it hard to muster up the energy required to organise cupboards and start finding little clothes and baby things.
I kind of feel guilty, because I just don't have that same level of euphoria that I had when I was pregnant with Georgie. I'm happy to be having another baby, don't get me wrong.... but the joy is tempered with a lot more dread this time as I know exactly what I'm getting into. I'm also worried about how Georgie will cope with it all, but I know that it will only be a short-term thing until she gets used to it. Plus, I'm just busier this time around. It's nothing in particular, I'm just very tired. It's hard though.
I feel so bad for this baby, because I just feel like it's not getting/going to get the same amount of attention that Georgie did. I feel guilty for not being more excited, I feel guilty for what this may do to Georgie.... basically I just feel guilty all of the time! But this baby will probably be better for a little healthy neglect... that's what I tell myself anyway!
We're off on holidays in a couple of weeks, which will be lovely- and exactly what we need I think! Hopefully when I get back I can start to really get things done.
What about you? Did you feel less pregnancy-induced excitement the second time round? And were/are you also a Buffy fan?
Linking up with Jess for I blog on Tuesdays... check it out!
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Robyn I am the biggest Buffy fan ever! I have the entire series on DVD and I love it. I know all the words to all the musical songs; I am that sad.
ReplyDeleteIt's normal to feel different the second time around. The dread of labour is enough to put anyone off. And it's hard to imagine that you can love another baby as much as this one, but you can, and you will. The time will come, and it won't be long after this one is born, that you won't be able to remember life without it, just like you can't remember life without Georgie.
And she will be fine. Honestly, when you think about it, kids put up with us doing a lot to them. We bath them, change them, cart them here and there, and adding another sibling is just another ' thing' we do. 'Here is your Lunch...oh and here is your baby ....' I think they cope much better than we ever give them credit for, because they have learnt to trust us.
A holiday will be great for you, and give you time to relax. Try not to feel guilty. You are a fabulous mumma, and will just get better at it! :)
If only you lived closer, we could be BEST friends.
ReplyDeleteI loved BTVS growing up. There was an embarrassing stage in year 7 when I actually carried around a sharpened wooden stake in my bag (yes, shameful). I've moved past that now (thank goodness) but still adore the show.
I felt exactly the same was as you throughout my pregnancy, and felt a little guilty that I didn't 'bond' with my bump. Then he arrived, and I felt guilty that I enjoyed his sweet, cuddly company more than my tantruming 2.5 year olds. The two kid thing sucks in that way.
Thanks for the lovely comments! Amy- you made me laugh with the idea of carrying around a wooden stake.... nowadays you'd probably be suspended for that! Very funny though!
ReplyDeleteHi Robyn,
ReplyDeleteI think just about everyone feels like this with their second bubba. It's an honest realisation of how much work they are going to bring into your life, along with the joy!
My second bub is so easy compared to terrorist three year old Miss A. I could quite easily sell her very cheaply most days. So what you feel now will change.
Life as a mum can feel relentless at times, and joyless. My second bub has brought me more joy than I could have imagined.
Take care, Lee x
Don't feel guilty because it's normal. But just as you love Georgie coming into her own as a Ittle person, the same will happen with your new bub. And then you'll probably find your heart welling with even more love and happiness seeing the siblings interact with each other, bub smiling and laughing at big sis. BTW, let me know if you'd like some kid's book ideas to help prepare Georgie for bub's arrival.
ReplyDeleteAh Buffy fan, whedon crazy, we actually met him at the opera house :)
ReplyDeleteAnd don't feel guilty hun, it's all normal.
I wasn't as excited by my second pregnancy and I didn't study every detail like I did with the first (every bump, every moment, reading about exactly what was developing that week, etc). I think partly this was a defense mechanism because we weren't sure if the baby was going to survive and partly just business of looking after a 2 year old.
ReplyDeleteBut, I was determined that my second labour would be better than my first. I read "Birth Skills" by Juju Sundin, which was such an empowering and helpful book. My second labour was so much better than my first - faster, no drugs and I felt in empowered by the birthing techniques I had learned and practised (so although knowing what to expect can be scary, it can also be helpful).
Once DS2 had arrived, I was surprised how quickly I fell in love with him. The memories of how to care for a newborn came back quickly and he was easy to love! He slept better than the first and I was more confident in caring for him. I had help in looking after DS1, so I was able to concentrate on DS2 for a few weeks, which was just lovely :) As others have said, caring for a newborn can be a bit less demanding than a tantruming toddler :P
Just one comment, you are lucky that the children will only be 18 months apart, as I think that will lessen the jealousy. Jessica was 2 years and 8 months when Matthew arrived, and by then she had formed the view that the world revolved around her. She was terrific with him the first 6 weeks, but then she realised he was staying!! I started resenting that I was getting no time alone with him, and was so grateful for her starting Kindy! Go easy on yourself, of course you are going to be more tired this time, because you are caring for a toddler as well as being pregnant. You are doing a great job!!
ReplyDelete