|Newborn Georgie- terrified and excited at the idea of another one of these!|
Tomorrow I am going to have the 20 week morphology scan for baby number two. And I am nervous.
We didn't have a 12 week scan, we just decided not to. We'd seen the baby at an earlier scan only a few weeks before, and since we are low risk for anything going badly, and would never terminate, I just decided to leave it. But now I am really regretting that decision and getting a little worried. It's been a good long while since we've seen how things are going, and what if something's wrong? I just want to know how everything is going in there!
I have no reason to suppose that things could be bad, I am healthy and reasonably fit, no negative signs at all, they've been able to find the baby's heartbeat at every Doctor's appointment, and I've been feeling little tiny kicks in the last week or so.
It's funny, even though this baby wasn't really planned the way Georgie was, and I must admit that I'm a little worried about what having another baby will do to us. (I sometimes feel that I'm barely coping as a Mummy of one child, let alone two!) Yet I still want this baby, so, so much. The idea of another squishy little newborn is just wonderful. But it's also very scary, and somehow it's more scary than it was last time. I think because I've had a baby, and know exactly what we would be losing if something happened. I really, really want everything to be okay. Possibly too, I am little more aware this time around? Thanks to the internet and blogging I've been exposed to a wide range of stories about birth... and while some are amazing, some of them are just heartbreaking.
So in many ways, the fear is greater. It's not because I love this baby more or less than Georgie, but things are just so different this time.