Monday, July 11, 2011
What have you been up to lately?
If there's one question I hate, that's it.
I hate it when you run into an old friend or acquaintance from pre-baby days, and you do the whole "Haven't seen you in ages, How are you going, Isn't she cute?..... What have you been up to lately?" routine.
Because I can't exactly put my finger on why, but I always feel kind of... unworthy, for want of a better term.
I just feel so... negative, when I get the dreaded question, and reply "Oh, I'm staying at home with Georgie at the moment, and she's keeping me pretty busy!" I just feel like I watch people's interest plummet. And I feel like they are thinking, 'Is that all?"
I don't know if it comes from them or me. I honestly don't think that I think that there is anything wrong with staying at home with my children- I am so glad that I can do it! But at the same time, something about it just feels like it is a lesser choice in the eyes of the world, you know?
Before I had Georgie, when I got the question and I told people about my job, they would ask more questions, I would elaborate.... and yet it was still about kids! I worked in childcare, so I was still doing very similar tasks to the ones I am doing now, but for some reason it didn't seem to isolate me the way being a stay at home Mummy does.
Maybe it does come from me, but at the same time you hardly want to go into details about the endless cleaning, cooking, playing, bathing, sleeping cycle, do you? But the fact is, at the moment, that is an awful lot of my life. I have a baby, I'm growing another one. It's what I am at the moment.
But why does it feel so much less than if somebody just talks about their job?
Maybe I am just being overly-sensitive, maybe this stems from my feelings of inadequacy as a Mother. It does rankle a little sometimes that I am not earning anything. I wonder what is it about earning money that validated me? Or maybe it just comes from the fact that when I was working, I wasn't just working. I went to the gym, I was involved in local performing arts productions occasionally- my life was so much fuller (and yet, so, so much more empty).
Maybe these feeling will go away in time. But it's been a year of being a Mummy, and so far the feelings are still there. So, questions. If you are a stay at home Mum, do you feel this way too? Will these feelings ever go away or do they linger like a bad smell? And, do you think that this comes from society, and it's perception of stay at home Motherhood, or us?