I am very fortunate. In the choice of partners I did very well. And I never notice it more than when he has to go away.
Right now Shane is working away for at least a week. Now, compared to most families who deal with working in the oil and gas industry, we are lucky. Shane does not work on a very strict roster, he does not have to camp away too much. He always tries to get home every night when he can. His parents are pretty good to us and always try to keep Shane around our area when they can. But right now all of the work is away- so for the next little while, he will be away. And it is hard.
I got spoiled you see. Much of the work he has been doing has been around our town. We have also had a lot of rain. So consequently, Shane has been around a great deal. Pretty much ever since Georgie was born, in fact. So now I am getting used to being alone again. But it is harder still with a baby. Every day I am used to waiting for the night. Waiting for another adult to come home to talk to and share the load with. (And he does share the load well) Now it's just me.
I get angry sometimes, at people with ordinary jobs. At women who complain and moan about their husbands always working, when they get to see them on the weekends and every night. I want a weekend dammit! But I know I need to be reminded that we all have our personal crosses to bear.
I never appreciate him more than when he goes away. Now I have to start the fire at night. I have to wait until Georgie goes to bed before I have my dinner because otherwise it is just too difficult. When Shane is home he will generally help out with bathing Georgie or feeding her or putting her to bed. He might get dinner started or cooked if I need him to. And it's even more than that. It's that person to smile at and talk to when there's something funny or interesting on television. It's that warm body to snuggle up to in bed, after I've had to get up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. It's someone to sigh to, when she won't go to sleep easily or when she wakes up when she should be asleep. It's someone to say "I'll go this time" occasionally. It's waking up to a warm house because he's started the fire when he wakes up early. It's just Shane.
He's mine, you know? He's the rest of me. I just miss him. And life just feels a little wrong when he's not around.
It's not that bad really. I need to make sure I don't let myself get too down. But it's also the fear. Just that tiny niggling fear, that people die. Some husbands don't come back from work occasionally. Especially in the transport industry. And who's to say that it won't be my husband one of these days?
So tomorrow I'll be okay. And even now it's really not that bad. At least I can call him and talk to him most of the time. He's not even that far away. And, most importantly, he doesn't want to be away. I know that whenever he has a choice, he always chooses us. He loves his family. I really did win with him. Don't get me wrong, he's no saint. Some days he drives me so crazy I could just hit him, (and do- ha! spoon) But he is pretty good. Besides, it's not even for that long. Hopefully (that's another post- the disorganisation and uncertainty that is the oil and gas industry) he will be home by next weekend.
But right now I just really miss my husband.