I watched What to Expect when you're Expecting last weekend. I was chatting about it with my favorite Mummy friend, and she said she was talking with her husband about the 'Dad code' that the Dads in the movie had. He asked her if there was a Mummy code.
And there totally is!
The more I think about it, the more I see it. There are so many things that are deemed acceptable and appropriate when you're a Mum. And Mum's just seem to know. Heck, I know it all too! Nobody ever told me.... there wasn't a Secret Mother's Business pamphlet that the midwives handed me when I left the hospital, and I'm pretty sure I didn't get a microchip of Mummy wisdom implanted in my brain during pregnancy. But somehow, we have 'The Code' too.
So here are a few things that are part of the code in our own little Mum's group that meets every Tuesday. They apply especially when you are talking to new mothers who you don't know very well. You might go home afterwards and give your friend a call and say "Wasn't that weird!?" But at the time, you must remain completely non-judgmental.
1. You don't judge about religion. And you make no verbal judgment on any religious/spiritual ideas about parenting. You believe that your child doesn't have a soul until you do the naming ceremony, which has to occur on a full moon when your child is precisely 150 days old? Alrighty then.
2. When a new mother brings her baby... it is always beautiful. It doesn't matter if that is the ugliest, funniest looking kid you have ever seen, you must talk about beauty/eyes/hair/something. Cute is a good word. Cute can mean anything. And thankfully, babies are cute. You are also expected to say 'Oh what a lovely/cool/great name!' no matter what the child's name is. It doesn't matter if they named their kid The Terminator. The name must be praised.
3. When another parent completely loses it, you make no judgment whatsoever. Because lets face it, we've all been there. You act like it's perfectly normal, say kind things and hand over the wine/chocolate/coffee. It is also extremely helpful if you talk about your bad parenting. However, it is not okay to tell your tale in a story-topping way, but rather in a comisserating, comerades-in-arms way.
4. You never discuss the comparison of the SAHM vs Working mother thing. You might chat about it all- but you don't put one over the other. (No matter what your personal views are.)
5. You never, ever, ever put another person's child down. Same goes for another person's parenting.
6. You don't compare breastfeeding and bottle-feeding. You are allowed to chat about the two, but you never put one or the other down.
7. (This one relates solely to our town) You are very careful when you discuss school. You don't talk in absolutes about public vs private school. You are allowed an opinion, but you should leave yourself some wriggle room.
Where did we learn it all? I could go on, and on. But the general rule seems to be, no judging. And if you do have an opinion on something, leave yourself some wriggle room! Are there any specific things that you think are a part of The Mummy Code?