Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire slayer? Not the cool Buffy with Sarah Michelle Gellar, but the dodgy early 90's Buffy that was so bad it was almost good? If you have, then you might remember the cheerleading scene, where they do that cheer, 'how funky is your chicken' (which is really weird by the way). Anyway, whenever I hear that word 'funk' it transports my head immediately to that scene and I start chanting in my head.
Just a little back-story to explain the title.
So anyway, a couple of days ago, one of my very favourite bloggers, Nat the Fat Rat, posted here about being in a funk. It was one of those posts that makes you go 'Yes!' if you know what I mean? Because I have been struggling a little lately. For like, the past few months. I think it started sometime right at the end of my pregnancy with Charlie. I just lost my joy, and was merely going through the motions.
It happens. And really, considering all the upheaval our lives have had lately, it's hardly surprising. But everything has just been so much work. Being happy, smiling, thinking good thoughts... I could still do it. It's wasn't depression. But it just took so much effort to do it all.
I've still had moments of joy, Charlie has been a huge source of my joy lately. But I lost my sparkle, my flair. I lost my me. But I think the fog is lifting. Without even realising it, I have been developing routine's, strategies, and I've had a few epiphanies that have helped bring me back.
Mostly it's been little things, like restructuring Georgie's bedtime routine to accommodate Charlie and the fact that I am flying solo. I have learned that a little bit of cleaning and tidying at night time after the kids are asleep goes a long way, and I am also learning that you can never undervalue the importance of a good night's sleep.
But mostly I've remembered that I need to help myself too. I kind of hate that whole 'Take time out for you' mentality that gets bandied about so much. Mostly because it often comes from advertisers trying to sell you something. I hate the culture that tells us to put ourselves first, to indulge, to be selfish.... because really I don't think lack of selfishness or indulgence is an issue in this western world! But to some extent, it is true. It is important to put on your own breathing mask before you help someone else with theirs. To be the best Mum and wife and Robyn I can be, I have to take care of myself a bit. And for me, the thing that helps the most is exercise. So in the past month, I've been working really hard to exercise each day, and my goodness it has helped!
Mostly I've been walking, but I've also gone for a swim whenever I get the opportunity, and I've ridden my bike a little too. I even managed to get to the gym last week and do a pilates class which was fantastic (although I hurt like hell for days afterwards!).
I still have my off days. On Saturday I was a weeping mess for lots of silly little reasons. But the point is, things are getting better. The good days are definitely outweighing the bad. My chicken has not been funky... but it's getting there.
Weirdest cheer ever.