An ode to my washing machine

Okay. This needs a little bit of an explanation.

Basically, my washing machine is of the devil. A couple of years ago our (old, old, old) washing machine carked it. And we were both working and money was not so tight so we went out and bought a new one. It was all shiny and pretty with an LCD screen and new-fangled gadgetry. But it had one distinguishing feature. It had no agitator*. We were assured this was a new high-tech thing that would ensure our happiness and well-being and mean that the clothes were taken better care of.

We were lied to.

Because there is no agitator, the clothes are not distributed easily. So the freaking things goes out of balance often. Especially when you wash towels or sheets or quilt covers or dogs beds. The devil-machine beeps, and beeps and beeps, until you go fix the load (or turn it off because you're about ready to smash it).

It shows you this screen. And beeps, and beeps and beeps. (Can you tell the beeping really gets to me?)

So here is my ode:


Oh washing machine of woe,
How I loathe and despise you so!
You without your agitator,
which means you don't eat clothes like an alligator,
The great deceiver with your LCD screen
You just turned out to be really mean.
I though that being so big and bare,
Meant I would wash clothes without a care.
Instead you get off balance
And beep, beep, beep at every chance
Begging me to fix your load.
with a sound which makes my happiness erode.
How I detest the girl that sold you to me,
With her smile and freaking guarantee.
She said she had one just like you,
And it worked really well.
Well to that girl, I say perhaps yours did.
But mine is a fiend from hell!
Alas I cannot get rid of you
(Although I would dearly love to)
Until you've worked and paid your dues,
Or else I take to you with a sledgehammer.




*that thingy in the middle that sticks up.