Things are better. All of a sudden, I just feel... good again. I'm fine, and I can't quite believe it.
I went to my GP, and we discussed what might help. I told her that I really was not a fan of anti-depressants, (mostly because I don't trust myself to come off them!) and fortunately, it looks like I won't need them. Instead, we decided to try switching my birth control. And in a matter of weeks, the... bleakness that was enveloping every single aspect of my life, is gone. Sure, I still have bad days. But the difference is, they're bad. Not terrifyingly awful.
I am just stunned.
Part of me doesn't want to talk about it yet, in case I accidentally jinx it. But I'm pretty sure that things are just... better.
I was really starting to think that the problem was me, or my life. That something was seriously wrong and I was never every going to be happy again. That the struggle would always be there. But now, I just don't feel unhappy about everything.
It was like I was trapped. The part of me that was alive and happy and joyous, was just restrained and bound. It took so much effort, to do anything. Making my bed or doing my dishes was a mammoth task. But now, my house is cleaner, I want to spend time with people, I want to do again. I have more energy, I can laugh and play and smile and be happy and it doesn't feel wrong.
I wish I had discovered this sooner. But I am glad that (hopefully) things are now so much better. I'm glad to be more me than I have been in a long time.