Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Me, again

Things are better. All of a sudden, I just feel... good again. I'm fine, and I can't quite believe it.

I went to my GP, and we discussed what might help. I told her that I really was not a fan of anti-depressants, (mostly because I don't trust myself to come off them!) and fortunately, it looks like I won't need them. Instead, we decided to try switching my birth control. And in a matter of weeks, the... bleakness that was enveloping every single aspect of my life, is gone. Sure, I still have bad days. But the difference is, they're bad. Not terrifyingly awful.

I am just stunned.

Part of me doesn't want to talk about it yet, in case I accidentally jinx it. But I'm pretty sure that things are just... better.

I was really starting to think that the problem was me, or my life. That something was seriously wrong and I was never every going to be happy again. That the struggle would always be there. But now, I just don't feel unhappy about everything.

It was like I was trapped. The part of me that was alive and happy and joyous, was just restrained and bound. It took so much effort, to do anything. Making my bed or doing my dishes was a mammoth task. But now, my house is cleaner, I want to spend time with people, I want to do again. I have more energy, I can laugh and play and smile and be happy and it doesn't feel wrong.

I wish I had discovered this sooner. But I am glad that (hopefully) things are now so much better. I'm glad to be more me than I have been in a long time.


  1. How super super fantastic! I hope that you keep feeling this way. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely, you left me with a great big smile after reading this

  2. I found (accidently) that when I went off the pill I had an automatic mood lift - since then I've learned that I have massive reactions to artificial hormones

  3. I am so glad Robyn!!! Have been so worried about you, and have been praying for you. Felt so helpless that there was nothing that I could really do for you. So pleased that things are improving and that it turned out to be such a simple solution.

  4. That's wonderful news. Praying that this new feeling is here to stay!

  5. That's great news! So happy for you. Bad days are inevitable, but you deserve happiness so hoping it continues :)

  6. Hi, I'm Roslyn. I've read your blog from time to time, but have never commented. I have prayed for you, and for your family. Hallelujah that you're feeling better. I'd love to talk to you about the whole birth control switch thing, if you are willing. I had a VERY similar experience, with the Mirena IUD, and almost ended up divorced and in hospital. I'm still trying to figure out why it affected me like that and put the puzzle together so it NEVER happens again, so i'd be interested to hear what you were taking etc (if you're happy to share that information) (I feel MUCH better now, and marriage is great) You can email me at if you're willing to talk about it.



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