Friday, January 20, 2012

The hardest part....



Parenting is hard. I think most people can agree on that. It is beyond awesome at times, but there is also a lot of hard stuff thrown in.

The lack of sleep, feeding, disciplining.... there is so much hard. But you know what I think the hardest part I've found is?

Making a decision for your child... and not being sure that it was the best one you could have made.

Making decisions for your children is really difficult. I know there are going to be many decisions and choices I am going to have to make regarding my children. But this week is the first time when I've made a choice, a big choice with consequences my child will have to deal with, and I am not 100% certain that I made the right decision. I am terrified that I've done the wrong thing.

Most parents want the best for their kids. The decisions we make, while not always right, are almost always the choices that we think are right. Most parents always have the best intentions. But when there is a decision to make, and you are not sure what is right, what is best? That is so hard.

I am suffering from a major guilt overload at the moment. Some of it's real, but I know a lot of it is false guilt that I'm taking upon myself when I shouldn't be. I got told so many things about being a parent, but nobody ever told me how guilty I would feel.

I feel guilty. All of the time. About everything. I feel guilty when I neglect Georgie for Charlie, and vice versa. I feel guilty when I don't give Georgie healthy food to eat. I feel guilty that I'm not disciplining her as I should be- I seem to be letting so many thing slide lately. I feel guilty that I don't play with Georgie enough. I feel guilty that I let Charlie cry at times because I just can't get to him.

I feel guilty that my house just seems so filthy. I feel terrible that I'm not being the wife I want to be. I feel guilty when I spew forth the crazy at my husband, or lose my temper with my toddler. I feel so guilty that I just can't seem to cope and am constantly calling in for reinforcements. I should be able to cope, shouldn't I? After all it was my choice to have children. They are my responsibility, it's my job to care for them.

I think I need to take a breath. And remember it's only been two and a half weeks since I had a baby. I think it feels like it has been so much longer because these past two weeks have been so jam-packed, and Charlie seems like such a big boy. He is so alert and awake already, plus he is the size Georgie was at 6 weeks.

I just need to remember that really, I am doing okay. My kids are healthy and safe. My house may not be the cleanest its ever been, but it's not terrible either. It was always going to be hard. Parenting is not an easy job. And I always told myself that the first few months are all about survival. Things are really not that bad, I'm sure.

I just need to get a little perspective. And sleep.

Linking up with Glowless for Flog Yo Blog Friday.

17 comments:

  1. Yes. Yes and yes. It's hard, times ten. I totally hear what your saying. Please be kind to yourself, as you've said.. You've only been doing this 2 kid wrangling for 2 weeks! If you ever need an offload.. I'm only ever an email away xx Loz

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    1. Thanks Loz! I saw you're a bit under the weather too lately- hope you feel better soon!

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  2. I wish I could give you a big hug. Please cut yourself some slack. It is hard. It is the hardest thing ive ever done. I hate myself for being so useless sometimes BUT kids bounce, kids forgive, kids have unconditional love. So breathe and do the best you can. I dont think there is anything wrong with you asking for someone to help. God has given you wonderful biological and Christian family, its good to allow them to minister to you. You will do the same to others years from now. Thats how it should be.

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    1. I think it's just easier to be the helper rather than the one who's being helped- Trying to get better at it!

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  3. Robby,you should read this post I read this morning. Encouraged me a lot. The link is on my wall it's called "Don't Carpe Diem".

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  4. Ditto to the above comments. Parenting is indeed very hard. Guilt is an awful thing - but grace covers that (from our family, our kids and God). Don't feel guilty about asking for help - we are human, life with a newborn and a toddler is utterly exhausting. Look after yourself - and take it a day at a time.

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  5. You will find your groove. It's ok to have a messy house, to leave your baby to cry and to ignore you older one sometimes too.
    Xxx

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    1. Yes, you will. Take that breath. Ask for help - more if you need it. Praying for you right now.

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  6. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am too going through a bit of a rough patch (I wasn't really brave enough to talk about it on my blog) although our problems are different. One thing remains the same. Life is not meant to be easy. If it was easy it wouldn't be fulfilling. So do the best that you can with the things that are tough and make the most of the things that are great. I loved your song. I think I might attach it to the end of my post too.
    things alissa knows @ look.find.inspire

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    1. Thank you- it's nice when you hear that you strike a chord with someone!

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  7. Love you and I'm always here to help (even if it is only for a cup of coffee and to catch a falling chair) and I don't mind! I figure someday you'll do it for me :)

    Much love :)

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  8. Go easy on yourself Robyn. There's plenty of time for house work! Georgie is adjusting to a major change too and doesn't need strong discipline at the moment anyway. Enjoy the moments you do get. I hope you get some sleep soon. You are so right. It is HARD. xx

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  9. Thanks Lee- you're right, Georgie probably does need me to go easy on her. One day at a time, right?

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  10. So I've got four as you know, and the hardest transition was going from one to two. It seems impossible! You have suddenly doubled the number of children in your care, and that is not an easy thing. Give yourself a few weeks. I found about 6-8 weeks, you will start to feel better, and be coping a lot more. It's just a huge adjustment and you are not failing.

    Now if you want to see how dirty a house can look, go watch my latest vlog. Seriously you are bound to feel more normal afterwards. :)

    Love you Robyn, and praying too. Xxx

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  11. yes, no one ever tells you how much harder it is with 2. you think you should be able to cope, because it was so easy with 1, but as you are finding out, it is such a balancing act. rest when you can, accept all the help you can get, be kind to yourself, eat well.... and don't worry about the house. At the end of the day, the kids won't remember whether the house was perfect, they will only remember how they felt living there, and i know they are going to grow up loved and cherished. that's what matters.

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Thanks for stopping by, I would so love to hear your thoughts!

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