Sunday, January 8, 2012

So much to say.....

So where to start? I have so much to say and so much going on in my head that it's a little hard to get this all out coherently, but I'm going to try.

We are home. And I am so glad for that. I am so grateful that my little family is now a bit bigger. I am so glad that Georgie has been so good for her Daddy while I was gone. She hardly seemed to miss a beat, (which, I must admit, hurt a little) but I would much rather have her cope really well than really badly! She is fascinated by her little brother, and I can see all the little wheels turning inside her head trying to process how he fits with us. But for the most part, she is being a champion.

Charlie has been fantastic since we have been home. He has just been sleeping, and sleeping and sleeping. Which I'm finding a bit odd to be honest. But he hardly slept at all in hospital, so I think we are making up for it now. I am so glad that he is okay.

He is lovely. He is a very big boy. But it is big... not fat. He has huge hands and feet, and he is so long! He is well covered without being chubby and he is just absolutely delicious. He is in 000 clothes, but I don't think he will stay in them for long. He is the size Georgie was at about 8 weeks! I think he is going to be a big man like his Daddy.... it's odd to think of him towering over me one day! I look at him and can't believe that just a few days ago he fit in my tummy. He is feeding so well. It made such a nice surprise, because from the word go, he just seemed to know exactly what to do when it came to feeding.... such a change from Georgie who gave me so much trouble in the beginning. I am so grateful for that.

Shane is doing okay. He is terribly tired and is a bit stressed out between so much going on here and a lot going on at his work at the moment. But hopefully things can settle for him soon and he can relax a little.

I'm doing okay too. I have been pretty exhausted. The labour took a lot out of me this time. Plus, I didn't get very much sleep at all in the hospital. My body amazes me. It has bounced back quite well. I continue to be blown away by the way we are created. God is surely an amazing God. I am still sore, but I am loving the fact that I didn't need stitches after Charlie was delivered (a miracle!). My back has been quite painful, and I have to be careful as my tummy muscles have torn a bit, but hopefully with time everything will heal.

And the birth? That part I don't really want to talk about much. I had planned on recounting it all as I did with Georgie's. But honestly, I just want to block it out. Suffice to say it was probably the single most intensely painful experience in my life. It's funny, so many people have told me I have done an amazing job, but I just don't feel it. I feel a little odd now about the title of the last blog post. Because I actually don't feel that way at all. I just feel pretty awful about the whole thing. It wasn't all terrible, the beginning and the very end of the labour went well. But in the middle I felt totally helpless and lost and so incredibly vulnerable and I just don't want to remember any of it. I had a young midwife with me, who didn't have a lot of experience. I ended up trying to push even though I knew it didn't feel right when I was only dilated to 8 centimeters, and it took Shane taking control, making them check me, and then him calling my Mum to come in for things to get back to okay. Fortunately though, the delivery went very well.

I also ended up pretty shattered after being left alone with Charlie for almost all of the night after he was born. I hardly got any sleep for the first 3 nights and so I've been pretty exhausted. The whole experience has been a bit damaging. I didn't realise how wrong it all was, and how badly it affected me until talking about it with my sister Jenny, who is a nurse. She got very upset and angry about it, and said it should not have happened, and that helped. It made me feel better to know that it was not okay. But..... Charlie is here, he is perfect, and it is over. God has seen us through this and somehow he has managed to help me out with so many of the really important things. So I am grateful.

This little face? It's worth it.


  1. Robyn, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling awful about your birth experience this time around. I pray that you will get the recovery you need and God will clear your mind from dwelling on it,so you can totally enjoy Charlie and this special time. Blessings.xx

  2. I can imagine that feeling of being helpless and a little bit lost during your labour must have been quite undoing for you. I have never given birth naturally (all c sections here)so cant relate but there must be other women who have felt the same way. its a massive thing to give birth and I hope with time you can feel as awesome as we all think you are.

  3. I know the helpless and hopeless feeling so well, my second child's birth was also very traumatic for me. But you are so right, the little faces are worth it all, and every day I try not to curse my body which is still catching up, and cherish the little one it gave me :)

    Congratulations to all of you on the birth of Charlie! He is gorgeous x

  4. I was nodding when I read your description of the birth as the most intensly painful experience of your life. That's how I feel about the birth of my little man.

    But my heart melted when I saw your little bundle! He is WAY worth it!!!

  5. As my OB/GYN said to me before the birth of my two.... "healthy mum, healthy bub" is the outcome we are wanting, and praise God, that's what you ended up with. Sorry that the experience wasn't pleasant, but the mind is an amazing thing, in time all those horrible memories will be gone and all you will remember is the moment you laid eyes on him. So pleased he is sleeping and feeding well. Enjoy!

  6. Sorry to hear it wasn't a pleasant experience in the hospital. I hated my time there too. So glad you are settling in well at home though. There really is no place like home.

  7. Ok first, comfratulations! Sorry I haven't commented till now, but networked blogs hadn't updated me, and I just assumed you were taking a break! He really is so beautiful.

    Secondly, mae sure you talk to people about your experience. any kind of dissappointment, and frustration like that, coupled with sleep deprivation and extreme hormone changes can easily lead to PND, and I really don't want you to have to travel that road. It's ok to be upset about it. It's a emotional, exhausting thing. Love you Robyn, and so glad to see how God has blessed you. Xxx


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