Thursday, March 22, 2018

On trusting.

My family is in a season of stress right now. I don't even quite know why. Shane and I are both studying, and I'm working a bit now, his job is incredibly stressful, Ted is teething, and the big kids are at the end of a school term.... but it feels like there is so much more going on. Something unseen, bubbling under the surface, and I feel powerless against it, as it attacks us.

And I don't know what to do. I literally don't. I am trusting God with all of me, because I know that He is stronger, and more powerful than anything that can come against us. And so I bake muffins, because the only thing I know how to do is feed my family. I bake muffins, and I pray. I cry, and I scream, and I trust God, because He alone is my stronghold and my shield. I cook dinner during the middle of the day so the world doesn't implode in the afternoon. I dread school pick up because there are so many emotions, and I try desperately to be the the rock in the storm, and cling to the Rock in this storm. I pray. And I make the beds, and I try to make sure everyone has clean clothes. And I know that He who began good work will carry it on to completion. I try to calm my seething rage that is present under the surface, and I try to forgive. I am the meat in the sandwich. I apologise when I fail, over and over again,  and force myself to believe that I am saved by grace, not by works. I trust that God has plans to prosper me, not to harm me, and I choose to believe that this season will end, and that God can accomplish the impossible, and one day we will look back and go; yes, that was a really tough time.

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