Music. It makes me feel. And I really really need to feel. Listening to music, for me, makes me feel a bit like a person who is coming up for air after being underwater for a really long time. Music helps me get along with those jobs that I just hate. It speaks to my soul. It helps me talk to god. It just helps.
Words. I have always loved words. When I was younger, I can remember picking up the bottles of toilet cleaner when I was in the bathroom, and reading the bottles. Just because. I love the way words help keep my head occupied, I love the way stories help. Words help keep my mind busy so that it can't think too much. I have this thing for song lyrics. I remember an awful lot of words. They seem to get tattooed onto my brain. One day I want to put words together and see them print. I want to make people think and feel with my words. I hope I figure out how to one day.
Exercise helps too. A lot. Lately I have been riding my bike. Shane and I are training to do a bike race in September. I am only planning to do the 10k. But I have been doing up to 20k every second day lately. It makes me proud to make my body move. It makes me grateful that I have a body that does move. There are many many things I don't like about my body. But I like that it is quite strong. It is good for me to keep moving. It helps my head a lot.
Bible. I have been reading my bible like never before. I wouldn't say it is easy. And sometimes I still lapse. But I have been reading it more than ever before. Even though I have no idea how to translate everything I read into my own life, and when I do, I screw it up. For example. It's all good to read 1 Peter 3:8. Where the bible says do not repay insult with insult, and I know it applies to me. But still, the next morning when someone says something and I'm in a bad mood, I can promise you the words out of my mouth are not nice. I think it's harder when you try to change to be honest. I think I will always be a work in progress. And often the work is done wrong, because I rush ahead of the builder, thinking I know where he's going. Of course I don't, and we have to waste a lot of time redoing my mistakes. But still, change is happening.
I'm glad God loves me.
For now, I'm just trying to focus on the basics. I know He is with me, and I will just continue to do the best I can.