Thursday, March 20, 2014

Shiny Happy People

So, lately things round here have been pretty darn great. I feel like maybe (maybe) we have reached a little season of calm. And I am just so very grateful. My babies, my husband, my life. I am blessed, exceedingly and abundantly, and I know it. I look at Georgie and Charlie and the ages they are right now, the way they are, I just feel so much more relaxed, and at ease. I feel like this is a time of less pressure, and stress with them and I just love it. 

 But the truth is, it's not all like that. It never can be all like that. There are always challenges mixed in with the blessings, and storms as well as sunshine.

You know, I think social media does us a disservice sometimes. You look at peoples facebook pages, or flick through your instagram feed, and the whole world seems to be having an awesome life. And here you are in your lonely little corner, and you've just had a fight with your husband and your dog has peed on the carpet, and everything just feels so damn ordinary.

If you looked at my facebook page, or Shane's, you would be forgiven for thinking we live the most beautiful life. And we do, but it is also intermingled with seasons of heartbreak, and loneliness, and hard work. But the thing is, that's life. And the shiny happy image, only tells half the story.

We have had a rough couple of years. Years where I wasn't sure if we were going to make it, where I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I have been lower, and sadder and more desperate than I ever imagined possible. I have heard the enemy whisper darkness into my ear, and I have believed him.

But I am not alone. Every single step of the way, my God has been with me. He has been faithful when I was faithless. He has been strong in my weakness. He has been perfect, despite my imperfections.

Sometimes I feel a little... robbed or cheated or something. I look at photos of a newborn Charlie, and a baby Charlie, and sometimes all I remember is how hard it was. I feel like I have failed my children, and my family so much in the past few years. I've been selfish, oh so selfish! And I feel guilty.

But you know what God sees? He sees a beautiful history, filled with growth, and change. He sees the times I fell down but, instead of failure, he sees that I asked for his help. He sees all the times we were broken, and we allowed him to do work that he has been desperate to do.  He sees me. He is proud. And he Loves me. That's what I need to see too.

I don't want to compare myself to the pretty pictures anymore. Real life is hard, and beautiful, and raw, and awful, and lovely. But it is just so much better.


  1. I completely wholeheartedly can empathise with you about feeling like you missed out on something. I had such bad PND with William I really didn't enjoy his early life. Things started getting easy for us too before number 3 came along but I'm so thankful for the chance to go through the newborn stage again. I am working hard on remembering to enjoy it. It's so hard sometimes though.


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