Where did my baby go?

All of a sudden, my baby girl is no longer such a baby. She is a people. She has become such a big girl, seemingly overnight. It's been coming for a while, but I think we are definitely hitting toddler time. I love the games and the laughter, she finds the fun in everything. She is a little ball of crazy, relentlessness energy, that can leave me whimpering in the foetal position at the end of the day. One minute is all is takes for her to create so much carnage.

But I loves her. I loves her so much. I love the fact that she is walking now, just like a big girl. I love the 'Mum' and 'Dad' and 'Pup' and other assorted gibberish that actually means something now. She thinks. All the time she is watching and thinking. She points and communicates and never stops moving. She copies everything now (which can be very dangerous). She is developing problem solving skills. I love the independence, but the fact that she still needs Mummy.

I have to admit, I am worried about how she will go with a new baby. I have 6 weeks to go and am doing my best to enjoy the time we have left as just us. But I think God knew exactly what he was doing when he put our little ones so close together. A sibling will not hurt this little imperious girl one little bit. It will be hard. But I also really do think that children aren't meant to grow up alone.

The closer I'm getting to this baby's due date, the more settled I'm feeling about it. I'm still dreading the sleepless nights, the pain of breastfeeding, the newborn squalling. I know that life is going to be pretty full-on soon. But at the same time I don't think it will be quite as hard as it was the first time around. Because even though all babies are different. This time I will already be a mother. I won't be trying to adjust to life at home and not having work to go to. I know that generally, the kind of day I have depends on my attitude and actions. I won't be turning my world upside down quite so much because I already am a parent. There is also a sense of 'I can do this' because I know that I have done it before.

I'm sure it will still be incredibly difficult. I've told myself to remember that the first three months are just about survival. But at the same time, I do feel a little more relaxed about the whole thing this time. Even while getting organised, I haven't been quite so anal and compulsive. I know that babies don't actually need that much stuff. Plus, our house is still mostly set up for a baby. All I've really had to do is get the cradle out, and some clothes ready. There is still a bit to do. But it's not the same stress-fueled intense time that it was last time.

So right now my life is a jumble of enjoying, organising, cleaning, nesting, aching, relishing, chasing. But we're doing okay. My baby girl is a toddler. But it won't be long until I have another baby again.