storm's a comin

I'm having a bit of a struggle round these parts at the moment. Sick kids, stressed/busy husband, crazy Mum.

I keep on thinking, we should be doing better than this! What reason do we have for these doldrums? What reason do I have for my bad humour, and my grumpiness? I know I should be a better Mum, a better wife, a better person.

But I'm still here. And I'm just me.

The other day I was watching the sky all day, because I had washing on the line and I knew it was going to rain. I watched the clouds slowly move across the sky and saw the sky get dark. We went outside to cover the sandpit, and I pulled the washing off the line.

I felt the sky get heavy, and the air around me become more oppressive. I watched the birds flap around in a panic, as the wind started to blow, and I watched my children run around in excitement.... they felt it too. As the first few drops fell, I lifted my eyes up to feel it on my face, and the kids danced around for a few moments, then we scurried inside before the rain started to fall in earnest.

I feel like I am in a state of anticipation. I know that I need a change, of some sort. I know that I need a little something extra to carve out, just for me. I need a some goals and some plans, that are bigger and more important than getting the floor clean, or the folding done, or the bathroom scrubbed.

I don't know what it is. But I am waiting. Praying. Hoping. I need a little something more. 

Storm's a comin.

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