An icky-feeling, grumpy post (feel free to skip this one!)

These past couple of days have been all kinds of terrible... tomorrow is Georgie's dedication and Shane's family may be in church plus Shane is doing Communion, and yesterday I shared a very Christian blog post on facebook- do you see the connection there?

Georgie's teeth have been giving us MAJOR grief, she is 8 months old on Tuesday and yet to have single tooth. Yesterday there was one just under the gum, it was so hard and swollen and I thought 'Oh well, at least there's an end in sight." Today it has moved back down.

Also- note to future Robyn- never ever try to dye your hair yourself when you're already not in a good place! I had a go at streaking my hair today with Mum, Cathy and Lizzie's help- and while it didn't turn out too badly, it just didn't go so great. Plus we ran out of dye- apparently I have too much hair for one box now. So yeah... next time I think I'm just going to try to wait until I can save up to go to the hairdressers! I normally do get it done by a hairdresser, but at up to 150 bucks a pop- it's just one of those things that is definitely no longer a necessity (darn it!).

Shane and I have been super stressed, and taking it out on each other. He's tired because he's worked far too many days in a row lately, and I'm tired because Georgie's not herself.... I'm telling you, it's just been bad all round!

Aaaannnddd that's about it. I just wish Satan wasn't so good at kicking you when you're down,you know?

On the plus side, today would have been a WHOLE lot worse without Mum and my sisters. Especially Mum. I really can't be grateful enough for her. How is it that she can always tell the difference between a daughter who is about to collapse in a big heap and really really needs her dishes done, and a daughter who needs to be told to do them herself? Hope I learn that one one day!

Brave

A little evangelising (if that's okay.... and if it's not, then hey! this is my blog)

Okay. So. I’m not really sure how to write this... I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to say. But lately I’ve been feeling- convicted, for want of a better word.

I am a Christian. And I don’t just believe that God is real and Jesus is his son and He died on the cross. I know it. To me, this is not a belief like children believe in Santa or the tooth fairy. It is a truth. Like the fact that the earth is round. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God like I believe that there is air around me right now keeping me alive. I don’t understand it. But I know that it’s true.

And recently I’ve really been thinking an awful lot about the people who don’t know this. And where they’re going. It all started when I heard a quote by an atheist... I don’t remember it that well, I don't know who said it and I can’t find it on the internet, but basically it goes like this.

If Christians really believed in God, and believed that the bible is true. Then they would have to believe in the hell of the bible. And if Christians really believed that....wouldn’t they do everything in their power to save those around them? Therefore, there can be no God.

And, boy, doesn’t that just hit you where it hurts? Because it’s true. Really, if I believe that people I know are going to hell.... (and it follows that I must, if I believe in the infallibility of the bible) how can I just sit back and do nothing?

So this is it. It’s not much, but it’s my start.

I’m not very good at talking to people. I don’t know why it is, but you always seem to have more trouble talking to people about things that matter than things that don’t. (Or I do anyway). So yeah, I thought. 'I'll make my blog a testimony of my faith. I'll talk about life, but I'll make sure that anyone who reads this knows what I believe.' But now it feels like I've got to do more. Do the people I know, who I talk to on a regular basis, some of whom I call family, really know how strong my belief is? Have I ever really told them about Jesus?

So today I shared one of my blog posts on facebook. (Hi Guys!) And boy, it was hard! Now I can't write about everything. I can't write my exact feelings about church on Sunday, or how I really feel about my husband on some days. Because someone who actually knows me might read it. Blogging was much easier when it was anonymous. But it wasn't really very brave either.

But the thing is.... I really really love Jesus. He is so much a part of me. And honestly, at the moment, my life is very easy. I know I complain a heck of a lot about it- but it's pretty uncomplicated. I mean, I have the day-to-day-living hardness. But, most of the people I spend my time with are Christian. Many of the things I do are selfish. My worries are nothing when compared to so many other people's worries. And.... people are going to hell. 

If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, or if somebody I loved and knew was not Christian was probably going to die tomorrow. I would throw caution to the winds and tell anyone who would listen about Jesus. So why am I not doing it now?

Part of me says it's because I know that not everyone needs to be preached to. In fact, sometimes it's the last thing a person needs to be drawn to Christ. And another part of me says, 'But Robyn, you're not an evangelist.' And another part of me says, 'But what will they think of me?' And then I think... 'Really? You're going to try and make those kinds of excuses?'

And I know. I don't have to preach. But I do have to talk. I do have to try. I don't have to evangelize, but I do have to be honest. I do have to tell people and not hide behind the 'It's not polite to talk about something so controversial'. But really, people probably won't think much less of me. Sure, a few will think I'm crazy, a few more might unfriend (side-note... don't you just love that whole concept of 'unfriending'.... it's just bizarre!) me. But many people might just take something in.

So... yeah. I know the God of the Bible. I believe that Jesus was God's Son and He died on the cross so I can go to heaven. I believe that every word of the Bible is God-inspired. I am a pentecostal, hand-waving, tongues-speaking Christian. I am far from perfect, (a fact many of you can attest to) I do not have all the answers, and I get it wrong a fair bit of the time. But I am going to try much harder to make sure that my faith is known to everyone who knows me.

And that's about it for now.

check out the clever girl swimming!

We love our Daddy...

Please Pray for Lori

There is a woman whose blog I have discovered. Her blog is called the Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum.  Her name is Lori. She has had the most awful thing happen to her and her children, and now they have to keep on living. Please, if you believe that God is a healer and a miracle worker (and I know He is). Please pray for Lori.

I love live television

Yoghurt= yummy!

It's a little weird I know. But I just LOVE gourmet yoghurt. For me, it is one of the yummiest treats there is. Oftentimes when Shane and I are going to have a treat night I will buy him a nice little dessert and me a super-yummy expensive deli yoghurt. I would honestly prefer a fancy-pants yoghurt to a chocolate bar most of the time. (Which, incidentally, is a good thing, because those yoghurts have about the same calorie intake as a chocolate bar sometimes).

Seriously, how good does that look?

So yeah.... just something I deeply needed to share. Anyone want to guess what I bought today?

the hormones

I've decided I hate them.

The hormones.


I never really knew how utterly crap it is to be a girl until I had a baby. And then the hormones went crazy. I mean, I've always had them,  but they used to be okay... manageable.... they didn't bother me, I didn't bother them. It was a good deal. But now!

I can't- like literally cannot, lose weight. It just doesn't want to shift. And since we've cut out every other possible explanation:

It's the hormones.

Also, now let's just get this out of the way. I am not pregnant. I am really sure of that. I got Shane to buy me a pregnancy test yesterday because I was so not sure about that. (A task which he deemed very injurious to his manhood- but he coped) And the test was definitely negative. And I am not ready to have another baby. I don't particularly want to have two children under the age of eighteen months- I just don't think I could do that. But still.... as I was waiting for results, a teensy part of me was hoping for two little pink lines.

It's the hormones.

Last night I was flicking channels and watched a mother introducing her newborn baby girl to her five year old brother, and that teensy part of me stirred and whispered........ "Awwww.... I want another baby".

It's the hormones.

So right now. Even though I'm very glad for them, and it's nice to know that they're all in working order. I hate them.

Stupid hormones.

How He Loves Us

One of those days....

Just now I ate cake. A nice big fat piece of mudcake. I figured it's better for me to be fat than it is for Georgie to be smacked.

Oh dear. That sounds great doesn't it? But seriously, I love her to death, but oh! She is being such a monkey lately! She has decided that she isn't content with crawling and must now pull herself up on the coffee table, the bookshelf, the bathtub.... anything! And so she is consequently sporting a few little bruises. She is also exceptionally grabby. (Yes that's right, grabby, not grubby!... although she probably is grubby too!) She has little sticky hands that need to grab at anything and everything. She pinches and scratches and snatches. Today I spilled hot milo on her because she cannot let me feed her now without being a part of everything! Don't worry, she's okay- it was only a little bit. But still, oh my goodness!

I just feel.... itchy. Or squiggly. Or antsy..... or something. I don't feel comfortable in my skin and something deep inside of me is screaming 'get out! get out!' I want to run and jump and scream and cry and do everything all at once. Even though there is a little small part of me that is currently giggling at the idea of running and is picturing herself running about 100 meters before collapsing into exhaustion. But still. I just want to get out of me today.

It's amazing to me this mother guilt. I knew about it, but until I experienced it- I just didn't really understand it. I feel guilty. About everything. All. Of. The. Time. For example, right now I am feeling guilty because she's asleep and I have dishes to do, a bed to make and (surprise surprise!) folding to do.

Oh damn. She just woke up.

Stuff it. Right now I'm going to go pick her up, give her a cuddle and then we are going to the pool. The housework will be there tomorrow. And dinner can be scrambled eggs or takeaway. (Shane's choice... ha! so...... takeaway it is).  But right now, I am just going to enjoy my daughter.

A day in the life of a Georgie: part 1

Today I realised I've been a little remiss with the photographing of my cute little button. So here are a whole heap to make up for it!

Her door- isn't it pretty?

This is what I am greeted with every morning.......... it's pretty great.

Then we go for a walk most mornings- and sometimes she sleeps.

Then Georgie plays for a while

Before we eat breakfast,

And then we have a bath- cause she makes a big mess!

and then we get dressed and play with mummy for a while!

Sometimes she's a bit cheeky and gets in places she shouldn't!

But see how clever she's getting?

And that's was our morning! In other news: Georgina is most definitely crawling, and getting really fast too! Today I made (or attempted to make) a loaf of sweet raisin bread in the bread maker. It was a dud. It's heavy and doughy and simply no good. Also, Georgie has decided that the hairdryer is her mortal enemy and when it makes an appearance she must scream and scream and scream. Today her Aunty Lizzie came over when she was on lunch because I didn't get to have a shower or dry my hair until lunchtime (which happens occasionally, and I've learned to be okay with it) because she could hear her all the way from over next door! (Thanks Liz!) And finally, Georgina has come to the conclusion that actually, food is okay after all, and she will eat, thank you very much, and today she finished her entire yoghurt!...... something that has never happened before :)

It was a pretty big deal.

Also, why is it that at the end of the day, the world is terrible and bad and awful and all we want to do is cry while Mummy tries to cook dinner, But, as soon as Daddy comes home, everything is wonderful and we want to dance and laugh?

That's okay though, we love our Daddy!

On the subject of Childcare...

I just want to vent a little here now. This is something that I am really passionate about. And I believe that it is overlooked in society.

Before I had Georgie I worked in childcare for about 4 years. I enjoyed it. I love children. But I never want to put my children into care.

Now I don't want to go and attack anyone here- because I know (believe me I know!) how hard it is financially to get by these days. The financial and social pressure families have these days is enormous. And I understand that there are many people who feel that they have no other choice than to go back to work. I know and have spoken to many parents who would desperately love to stay at home with their children, but can't see a way how... However, the majority of children who I've seen in childcare (in my opinion) didn't really need to be there. I believe that their parents made a choice to put them in care so they could afford a nicer house, nicer clothes, a nice big plasma television, etc. And it just drives me crazy!

If people really knew what goes on in childcare centers, I think many of them would never put their children in care.

Now I don't know what the standards are for every different state and country. But I do know a bit about Australia's, Queensland in particular.

In Queensland any random person off the street can walk in and start work in a childcare center within a week. All they need to do to start working is to apply for a blue card- not even get a blue card, just apply for one. They can start work while the application is being processed. And it is not that hard to get a blue card. All you have to do is pass a police check. There are an awful lot of people who can pass police checks who should never be allowed near small children.

Also, childcare wages are so low. Your average Assistant in Queensland will only get paid eleven dollars an hour, but this also varies depending on their age and whether that person is a full time or casual employee. To be an Assistant you can work unqualified for up to three months before you have to start studying a Certificate III in Children's Services. And I strongly believe that most of that Certificate is common sense, and if you don't know if before you start working with small children, then you shouldn't be working. For a Group Leader of a room in a childcare centre, the wages are not that much better. I was getting paid just under twenty-two dollars an hour as a Group Leader when I was halfway through my Diploma in Children's services. Your average supermarket worker can get paid Twenty dollars an hour for a lot less qualification, pressure and responsibility.

Childcare workers are also expected to do a tremendous amount of work. They are expected to care for children, change nappies and assist children in going to the toilet, prepare food, feed children, put them to sleep, plan learning activities and manage and track children's development, supervise children and clean. What is expected of a childcare worker is far too much. The turnover of staff in a childcare centre is generally very high, because many young girls start work, and then realise that it's just not worth it. So it is incredibly difficult for Centres to provide high quality staff.

The ratios  of children to staff in childcare centres in Queensland are also ridiculous. In a babies room, you can have up to eight children aged between 6 weeks and 15 months with two adults. In a toddlers room, you can have twelve children aged between 2 and 3 years with two adults. Just before I had Georgie, I worked in a room with sixteen children aged between two and a half and three. And in a kindergarten room you can have twenty-four children aged between three and four with two adults. Now think about that. Think about any small children you know and imagine the practicalities of that. There is simply no way that adults can deal effectively with that many children.

There have been so many things that I personally have seen that have been so dangerous. I have worked at fantastic centres, and some not-so-great. I have worked at large corporately owned centers, and small private centres. The things I have seen have occurred at the good and the bad, the large and the small centres.

I have walked into another room to go and borrow a mop, and have asked another staff member for that mop. She told me that it was in the supply closet. I opened the supply closet to find a eighteen-month old boy in the closet with a mop and bucket full of dirty water. The staff member was not even aware that the child was not in the room with her. I have gone outside to help supervise and discovered two two-year old children covered in and playing with poo. And only one child had a dirty nappy... that was truly disgusting. I have taken children inside and then two minutes later, realised that I left a child outside because I just had too many children to deal with. I have heard staff members scream at children, I have seen children hurt one another and do things that are not safe, and simply not been able to do anything about it, because my hands were too full with other children.

I don't know whether or not I will ever go back to work in childcare. Part of me would love to because I really do love children, and I know that the industry needs good staff. But I did not love the stress, the lack of recognition, dealing with difficult children and parents, and how hard the job is in general.

I am very grateful that I am in a position where I do not have to put my child in care. But I also wish to make it clear that this is my choice and it is not an easy one by any means. Some days I would love to back to work. In a way, it would be so much easier to go back to work. But I am convinced that my choices are better for my child. There are many things that my family go without. And, yes, it is true that Shane does work in higher-paying industry. But that is also not an easy thing for him. He works up to fourteen hours a day sometimes, and he does not enjoy his job a lot of the time. But he does it for us, because like me, he is convinced that what we are doing is the best thing for our child.

I don't think that any parent wants to make a choice that is detrimental for their child. But I believe that in many instances, a choice to put you child in childcare can be one. I think this comes about because so many times, parents are uninformed. I also think that as a society, we are very selfish. And many times, we put our own needs (wants!) above those of our children.

If you are a parent who has to put you child into a childcare centre, please be aware of what is going on at that centre. Check up on your child constantly. Especially at times when the staff don't know you're coming. Communicate with the staff looking after your child, but remember that they are very overworked and your child is sadly, one of many. Also, communicate with management, and let them know when something is not acceptable, and let them know when things are good. Another great option if you have to go back to work is family day care. The child to adult ratios are much lower in family day care, and the children are a range of ages, which I think is good as it's more like a family. However it is important to make sure that the family day care you choose is quality care as well.

The childcare industry is in a mess. In my mind, this just goes to show the value that we place on children. But unfortunately, until the government steps in and better regulates and assists the industry, children are always going to be the ones who lose.

Come Awake

It's been a very hard week. Shane has been working an awful lot lately (like 17 out of the last 18 days) and we are just so weary. All I want to do is sleep for a really long time.....

But I want to Come Awake.